HER.

Dear God – I hate You, for, I was born a girl; and only You had a control on that. Couldn’t blame Mom or Dad. I was just a puppet of their show. So, I blame it on You! Or is it all just Karma?

I was all set to see the first light! ‘It’s going to be a baby-girl’ – the doctor said. Not sure why my dad wasn’t happy. I would have loved him so much – had they let me out. But now I’m just few pieces of flesh – and I’m out – DEAD KILLED.

All right – This time I was born. Everyone loved me, and my uncle – a lot more. The secret game was more of a pain – which I shouldn’t share with anyone – Uncle told so. Little did I understand why he got me more chocolates than for my brother, little did I understand – what he wanted from a girl of 1/4th of his age.  Little did he know, how that little child is going to face the world – for the rest of her life. Nothing will he know  – of the scared eyes, an always-fearing girl who will be further bullied, and a heavy heart carrying the secret  with her forever.

Nothing ever changed in all these years – the night mares continue – in the form of stares if not scars, whistles and comments. After a failed love, I now know I was nothing but a toy for joy – abused. I sought Love, and he – Lust!

My heart needs love – but afraid of acid attacks,
My heart needs love – but tired of the getting laid.

I don’t protest, I stay calm – Yet I’m abused,
I give love, I give LIFE – Yet I’m abused.

I’m the Mary, I’m the Sri – Yet I’m abused,
I’m the wife, I’m the MOTHER – Yet I’m abused.

~ A girl’s voice from the feminist Me!

Lets stop teaching our daughters how to dress in Public – Lets teach our sons how to ‘behave’ !

The EXIT.

That old but beautiful Exit door always attracted me, I could recollect many failed attempts to reach there. Mom warned me that it was Forbidden. All my childhood days were gone dreaming of the life behind that door – which might be more colorful, more playful, more butterflies, more rainbows and no restrictions – like the ones Mom imposed. She used to say that I can never return if I passed through that Exit – and she cried – EVERY TIME I tried going there..but little did I care!

By the time I reached youth, I was really tired of the obligations and the limitations life had for me. Dad, along with many others stopped me from doing what I wish to, they said it’s Dangerous – I doubt that! All they could think of was JUST bad?- why did Dad follow me everywhere??. Those were the days when thoughts of the Exit kept coming, which used to leave me thinking of the beautiful world that this world was not letting me go to. That might be a place where I wouldn’t be asked not to roam at late nights, NO questions asked. They said they cared – but I might be more cared and more pampered if they had let me go..

A place where I could’ve made a lot of friends; friends who would never make fun of me, no more. A better place – with better friends – but why the hell was I restricted to go there? My youthful life was spent in acting obedient, being nice with the not-so-nice people.

When I was old enough, to make my own decisions, it’s the love that stopped me to go behind that door – my love loves to be here – but who knows – there might be more love on the other side. A love that might not ask for anything – and just give me what I WANT!

OK, I might be selfish – but WHO is not?

Finally, I know it’s time to move on – Forever!

Today is the day… to get rid of everything – I made up my mind … gathered some courage..broke the barriers – ran towards the door though my feet hurt – any ways that’s the last thing this world can do to me – huh?- A world of limited choices, limited love and limited ME… and tomorrow is gonna be MY day, in a whole new world – a Dream World.

Little did I notice is the small board held high over the EXIT saying: 

” Thanks for visiting Heaven! “

~This blog is in response to the Weekly Writing Challenge, that you can find here: Oh, The Irony

Cheers!

SS

I’m Not Yet There, But I’m Running!

Run, boy , Run – the voices in my head scream..
Still long way to go, I’m not stopping
I’m afraid I will lose, didn’t stop playing
Scary audience, but I’m not shying away
Cant beat them, but I’m not dying
Never gave love, but I aint leaving

I fall, I fail, I lose yet I try..
Look back at my game – I’m not there
Scrap off some pictures – I’m not there
Sketches are random scribblings – I’m not there
Broken relations – I’m not there

Never been there – But I’m trying
Not yet there – But I’m running !

Cheers!

SS